What is up with these dreams? They are so vivid, and not entirely relaxing or pleasant.
Every night, I feel like my sleep is being disturbed because instead of sleeping I'm living in cities, administering tests, finding the ocean or long lost friends, working in cubicles, finding my way home.
And that was just last night.
Seriously though, since my sleep is no longer wine-soaked most night, the dreams have been so busy.
I've heard that everyone dreams, and it's just that some people can't remember their dreams. I definitely had dreams when I drank. Mostly, I had the same dream: trying to escape my ex. It took various forms. But it was always about me needing to find the gumption and resources to go.
At least I'm not having those dreams anymore.
And feelings. I've been having more of those, too. And not all feelings are fun. First it was waves of anger (for no apparent reason, just "nudgy" as we say in my family). I felt it like pulses radiating through my limbs. I retreated to my room for space, and lay on my bed feeling this physical sensation.
I debated reading, or otherwise distracting myself. But I had a hunch that I wasn't supposed to run away again. So I lay there feeling the pulses.
I talked to my therapist about it. She wondered if past trauma is seeking light and release. She recommended a book with guided meditations. I just arrived. We'll see.
I just keep hoping that the door I'm walking through is going to lead me to where I want to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment